The title of this post reminds me of that line in Austin Powers where he says, “what can you tell me about my father’s where… abouts?”

1. Our one-night honeymoon. The Accountant and I went on an adventure this past weekend.

2. My dad, and the latest on his condition. I’m deliberately holding off on that for a little while longer, but for now I will say he’s home from the hospital and feeling pretty good.

3. The things I have learned in the past year with The Accountant. I’d be lying if I said we both haven’t learned A LOT about each other and relationships.

4. Wedding recaps. I swear they’re coming! I still have the rehearsal, girls’ night, wedding morning/preparations, ceremony, photos, reception, aftermath and BBQ to share with you.

5. Conversations With The Accountant. Football season is approaching, and with it, negotiations about TV time and whether or not he can actually monopolize our living room for 11 hours every Sunday.

6. Therapy. I went for my quarterly “top up” two weeks ago. Since the last time I saw her, I’ve gotten engaged, moved in with The Accountant, went on sick leave from a job, quit that job, started a new job, dealt with my dad being diagnosed with a terminal illness, and gotten married. Yeah, I’d say it was time for that top up!

7. Perpetual Exhaustion. I feel rested, oh, NEVER, no matter how much sleep I get.  Also, I rarely sleep anymore anyway.  It’s starting to wear on me.

The Accountant and I have a 70-year contract: we’ve committed to spending 70 years together, and then we can trade in for the newer models.

Today is one year to the day since we met, and since our lives changed forever.

Only 69 more to go!

My dad was moved from the ER to a private room on the Oncology floor late this afternoon. He has his own washroom and shower, and now although he won’t have any roommates (he got to know the relatives of his roommate last week) when machines beep in the night and wake him up, at least they will only be HIS machines and not those of two other people as well.

Today I walked in and admired the room.

Me: “Dad, you upgraded!”
Dad: “Yes, well, you know I only travel First Class.”

Truer words have never been spoken. When his dinner arrived, we wondered why he hadn’t been served a Champagne Cocktail, since that’s what he used to get when flying First Class.

He feels pretty rotten, but he’s still got a sense of humour (read: he’s still a smart ass!). It’s good to see.

It is 12:09 AM. I got home from the hospital 2 hours ago, where my father is spending the night in the ER.

I tell you, every day is an adventure when you have a terminally ill family member.

My dad was released from hospital last Friday evening (I’ve been meaning to post since then, both to update about him and to continue my wedding recaps, but it’s been a very long and tiring week and I just haven’t been able to). As mentioned in my last post, he flew through the chemo like a champ. The only snag the whole week he was in hospital was that on the 3rd day, he ran a fever. Which is VERY characteristic of his disease, at least for him – it’s not uncommon for him to run a fever of up to 102 or 103, randomly, and then it goes back down. But when you are receiving chemo, your blood cell counts are affected. Neutrophils are the part of the white blood cell that fight infection, and his count is EXTREMELY low, almost non-existant. So any time someone in his situation runs a fever, it has the potential to be a big deal because it can signify an infection. Which right now, his body would have a hard time fighting off.

The good news is that they don’t take any chances with it, and treat for infection basically as soon as the fever starts – before the blood work and cultures all come back. This is good because the cultures take a few days and the infection, if there is one, can run rampant in that time. The bad news for my dad is that because he was being released 2 days later, it meant he had to stay hooked up to IV antibiotics for an additional 7 days post-release. So for the last week, he’s been carrying around this little bag with an IV bag of antibiotics and an electronic pump. Every evening a community health nurse comes to the house to change the bag. Annoying for him, for sure, but potentially saving his life.

The other good news is that his blood work came back negative for infections, so the fever was just related to his disease. And his last bag of antibiotics was due to be hooked up tonight, meaning that in 24 hours he’d be free of the IV.

When you are released from hospital post-chemo, you are sent home with strict instructions that should your temperature rise above 38C (100.4F) you are to go to the Emergency Room immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not wait to see if your temperature goes down on its own – go to the hospital STAT. And this afternoon, around 3:30, my dad woke up from a nap feeling rotten, and took his temperature to find that it was 38.6C (101.5F).

So off he and my mum went to the ER, where his temperature now read at 39.1C (102.3F). He was taken back to a bed right away, because sitting in a waiting room for hours on end being severely neutropenic (defined as having an Absolute Neutrophil Count of less than 0.5, or 500 depending on what country you live in) would mean almost certainly catching something, and they ran blood tests and did a chest x-ray and sent off some cultures.

I stopped by to visit for a bit around 7:45, bringing with me that last bag of antibiotics so they could hook it up tonight, my mum’s cell phone charger, and some lemonade for my dad, because that’s his favourite drink at the moment. I stayed for 2 hours, during which time they ran more blood tests (they test the blood in his PICC line and take blood from his other arm, to compare the two and find out if the infection is actually in his PICC line) and said they would have some kind of answer for him soon. They noted some redness around the entry of his PICC and said it could be a minor infection there, but they weren’t sure.

I left at 10:00, and my mum texted me at midnight to say they’ve decided to keep him in to give him additional antibiotics. There are no beds available in the Oncology ward, so he will have to stay in the ER, but they were going to get him a real bed so he doesn’t have to sleep on the ER gurney, whjch is good because those things cause him a ton of pain, and he already has bone pain in his hips, back and knees (bone marrow diseases can cause that).

So I share this all with you to illustrate the kind of days we’re having. Just when we think we’ve found some kind of routine, something like this happens and we’re back to square one. I’m struggling with this a bit right now. It’s just hard to know where to put myself. It feels like life is really trying to teach us to take each day as it comes. Tonight in the ER my dad made a joke and then said, “oh gosh, why am I laughing?” to which I replied, “what’s the alternative?”

We have to laugh, because if we didn’t, the alternative is crying. And laughing feels so much better.

I’ll get back to regular posting soon. For right now, I’m going to get some much-needed sleep, and hope my dad is able to do the same.

Day 3 of chemo is complete, and so far, so good.  My dad has sailed through the first few days of treatment, with nothing but a random fever earlier today to complain about.  They have him on some terrific anti-nausea drugs, as well as steroids, which are making him ca-raaaaazy and chattery, which is hilarious for everyone around him but sometimes we’re like, “okay, Dad. Enough talking now. Half an hour about the Toronto Blue Jays is enough.  And what do we think this banana will taste like?  Well, probably banana, but you never know!”

No, seriously, earlier today he asked my grandmother what she thought the banana they had brought him for lunch would taste like.

As I was saying, he’s more talkative right now than he has been in weeks, which is actually really lovely because for the past month or so, every time anyone has had a conversation around him he’s asked them to please leave the room because it was too much talking.  It’s just also really funny because he babbles on about things for far longer than it’s necessary to, and eventually we’re all just cueing him to WRAP IT UP.  Time for a commercial break!

He’s also in better spirits than he’s been in ages, which is another nice gift.  We know it will probably be short-lived; they say the side effects from chemo really hit you AFTER they’re done, and his doctor has told us to expect his blood counts to drop significantly in the 1-2 weeks following his discharge from the hospital.  It’s after that that we should see them start to come back up and STAY up – if the chemo has worked.

Still a lot of big IFs, and still we know he could start to feel terrible at any moment.  But for now he’s being a real champ, and let me tell you, we’ll take any good days we can get.

Rather than post a ton of photos on here from the bachelorette party, I thought I’d try something new.

Here’s a little slideshow of pics from that night!

It really was a wonderful night, and I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: a girl who has friends as good as mine is a lucky, lucky girl indeed.

It’s been quite a week for my dad. He saw a specialist in another city on Thursday, who was called for a second opinion on his diagnosis. And while he agrees with the original diagnosis, he does think there MAY be something that can be done.

Maybe.

It’s a long shot. A REALLY long shot.

They’re going to admit him to the hospital tonight (he’s checking in right now, actually). He’ll be there 5 days and will receive a 4-day course of intravenous chemotherapy. The objective of this chemo is to kill off some of the bad cells in his bone marrow, and try to kick start the remaining good cells into producing more good cells, and therefore more blood. This in turn – in theory – will help him get stronger, and hopefully if his appetite increases he’ll gain a little bit of weight back (he’s lost 20 lbs in the last 6 weeks).

If – BIG IF – they can do this, and if – another BIG IF – one of his sisters is a good match, they’ll consider doing a bone marrow transplant.

Essentially, it’s a tiny ray of hope. And obviously we’ll take any hope that’s offered, no matter how small.

But my gut feeling is that he’s not going to regain enough strength to be able to withstand a transplant. I don’t know LOTS about them, but I do know some, and I know they take a huge toll on the body. And he’s so weak right now, and has declined SO fast (even his doctor is shocked by how fast he’s gone downhill), that I just don’t think he’ll come through it. The tough part about it is that they really can’t give us an idea of what his chances are. What he has is SO rare (about 20 people in a million have what he has – which is less than 700 people in the whole country) that they have NO idea if it will respond to treatment. And he just turned 67, so he’s not exactly a spring chicken, which makes him an unlikely candidate for a successful bone marrow transplant.

In short, the odds are stacked against him.

I guess you never know, though. And I guess stranger things have happened. And if there’s a chance it will save his life, it’s totally understandable that he wants to try.

Hope is a strange thing. It seems way too easy to believe in the minute possibility, and yet at the same time it’s impossible not to fall prey to it at least a little bit. My struggle right now is with finding the right balance between optimism and realism. I don’t want to get my hopes up just to be crushed, but of course I also don’t want to NOT believe that things might turn around.

In the end I really just want what’s best for my dad. And the only person who knows what that is, is him. So for now I’ll take my cues from him and keep wishing good things for him.

Have I mentioned already that I was exhausted the week leading up to the wedding?  Oh, I have?  Several times?  Okay.  So then it should come as no surprise to anyone that I slept in the Friday morning, the day before the wedding!

That day dawned hot, sticky and heavy.  It was so humid that I knew rain was in the air, and forecast for the next day as well.  I had worried earlier in the week about rain on my wedding day, but had since made my peace with the idea, but I did hope the humidity let up at least a bit because it was really oppressive.  Every time I went outside, my glasses steamed up immediately.

The Accountant and I had decided that because I had a bunch of errands to do, he would stay home and clean the house while I ran around.  I had planned to get started around 9:00, but I think it was 10:30 before I got going.  I packed the car with all my wedding stuff, because I was spending the night at my parents’, kissed The Accountant, told him I would see him later that night at the rehearsal, and set off.

The first stop I made was to the Dollar Store, to buy some cute umbrellas.  If it was going to rain the next day, I wanted to make sure we could still take some photos outside if it was pouring.  I found 4 umbrellas for my bridesmaids and I that looked like this:

From there, I went to a sporting goods store to buy some stuff that runners use to keep their skin from chafing in the heat.  I thought I might need it for the next day, wearing a long dress all day with a bra that went from my chest to my hips.

I had told my parents I would be at their house around 1:00, and I think I made it there on time, despite leaving home late.  I carted my stuff inside the house and left it all in the living room, where my bridesmaids and I were going to get ready the next day, and then I was lucky enough to have an hour or so downtime, just hanging out with my parents and grandmother, before the activity started again.

My dad was feeling rather tired and weak that day, having not slept well the night before, and there was some discussion about what we would do if he had to be admitted to the hospital that night.  I knew it was a slim chance, but my mom thought we should talk about it anyway.  We decided that the wedding was happening the next day regardless of what was going on – we had come this far and, in my mind, past the point of no return.  If he couldn’t be there, my mom would walk me down the aisle, and if SHE couldn’t be there because she was with my dad, my grandmother would do it.  It was the one moment of the day that I felt upset – I took for granted that if my dad couldn’t do it, my mom would, and she said to me, “if your father is in the hospital dying, I’ll be with him.”  I took a deep breath and said, “okay, then would Gran do it?” and she agreed, and that was it.

So back to the pre-wedding day tasks.  My mom and I left the house around 2:00, with the following plans, in the following order:

1. Stop by the grocery store florist to make sure my flowers would be ready the next day.
2. Drop some groceries off at my brother’s for him.
3. Pick up the wedding cupcakes.
4. Deliver cupcakes to the wedding venue.
5. Return home to make dinner before the rehearsal.

Things didn’t go QUITE as planned.

We went to the grocery store, and discovered that the flowers were actually already ready.  Rather than run around needlessly the next day, we picked up the guys’ boutonnieres and decided to deliver them to our house where The Accountant and his groomsmen were going to get ready.  We would keep my dad’s to put in my parents’ fridge.  I called The Accountant and said we would be by in a little while to drop them off.  From there we went to my brother’s, where we discovered that he wasn’t actually home, and didn’t answer his phone when we called.  We decided to go drop off the bouttonieres and then try my brother again, but after we left my house, he still wasn’t answering his phone, so we decided to go get the cupcakes.

They were ready, so we quickly took them over to the venue.  We parked out back and went in through the kitchen, and quickly found the fridge in which to keep them.  Then we needed to find an employee to find out where we should leave the cupcake stand that came with them.  My mom disappeared down a back hallway, and I decided that I would take a peek into the ceremony room, since they had told us it would be ready that afternoon.

Now, the room where we held the ceremony is just a portion of a large ballroom that can be made into several smaller rooms.  There is nothing really special about it usually, and I had really had NO frame of reference for what it might look like when it was set up for a wedding.  we had ordered white chair covers and a white backdrop, to “wedding it up” a bit, but I hadn’t seen them and I really didn’t know what to expect.

I opened the door, and literally gasped out loud.  It was BEAUTIFUL.  It was prettier than I had ever imagined it to be.  With soft lighting and the chandeliers on, it just looked like the perfect location for a wedding!  I was instantly enamoured.  I stood there, a little bit stunned, and so happy.  This was where I was going to get married in less than 24 hours!

I was eventually pulled away from the ceremony room, as we still had errands to run.  And just as we got into the car, still giddy from having seen the room, I got a text from one of my bridesmaids, who had driven into town that afternoon for the wedding.  I had offered her and her boyfriend a coupon I won at a charity auction for a free night at a hotel, and it turned out that they needed it to check in.  The girl at the hotel had allowed them to check in as long as they presented the coupon within an hour.  After a quick consultation with my mom, we decided to go back to my house, get the coupon, drop it off at the hotel, and then try once again to deliver my brother’s groceries.  Meanwhile, it was already after 3:00, and my dad’s boutonniere was still in the car and it was still over 100 degrees, so I was holding it directly in front of the air conditioning vent to try and keep it cool.

The coupon delivery went smoothly, as did the grocery delivery (thankfully!).  We then rushed home to make dinner, as my bridesmaid, her boyfriend, and my dad’s friend and his girlfriend were coming over for dinner before the rehearsal.  Somehow we managed to get it all done, even with dinner being served around 6:30 and the rehearsal starting at 7:00.  It was a bit tight, but we managed it, arriving at the wedding venue at about 7:05 and meeting The Accountant, his groomsmen (one of whom had brought his ADORABLE 1 year old daughter – more on her later), and our AWESOME minister and his AWESOME wife (who happens to be my coworker!).

Next up: the rehearsal, during which time I nearly slapped The Accountant across the face when our weeks of practicing our “wedding kiss” didn’t pay off.  You’ll want to stay tuned for that!

As I have mentioned before, I worked with a Critical Path (read: colour-coded Excel spreadsheet) to ensure that everything that needed to get done got done.  It worked pretty well, and kept me on track, especially since everything needed to be done in such a short period of time.

I thought the week before the wedding would be the most hectic time, but it didn’t really turn out to be so.  The only problem was the wave of exhaustion that hit me mid-week.

But before I get ahead of myself, let me tell you a little bit about what happened that week.

One week before the wedding, while The Accountant was off at his bachelor party, I had 5 friends over to my parents’ house to help me with the arts and crafts part of the wedding preparations.  This meant folding programs, cutting and gluing table numbers, and cutting and gluing little messages we had made for our guests.  I don’t know why I thought this would take hours, but I did (probably because if I had done it all myself it would have), and in reality it took about 25 minutes. I had also prepared enough food for approximately 30 people, which was ridiculous, but in the end we put a good dent in the food.

It was great to spend some time with my friends, and I was so appreciative of the help.  I don’t like arts and crafts, and several of them do, so it worked out well all around.  Even when my friend Katie spilled her wine all over the table numbers – just as we were finishing up!  I printed off a new set and we redid them in about 10 minutes, so it was no problem at all, and I think my friends were maybe a little surprised that I didn’t panic over the accident.  But that was the kind of bride I had promised myself I would be – laid back, relaxed, and just not caring about the little details.  From what I heard from various people, I succeeded!

I don’t have a photo of the table numbers, but here is the special message for our guests:

This was really special for me, both because I think favours are unnecessary at weddings, and because it seemed like a much better use of money to make this donation.  The Grand River Regional Cancer Centre is where my dad is treated, by wonderful, caring people who are definitely in the right profession.  When I suggested to The Accountant and my mom that we make this donation, my mom and I both cried, and we knew right away it was the right thing to do.

I LOVED how well our program turned out (I designed it to match our invitation), and I’ll post a picture of it in another post if I get The Accountant’s permission, as it has his name on it.

The Monday before the wedding was when my wall of exhaustion hit, and I had trouble getting out of bed every day after that.  I guess the excitement and activity and pace of it all just caught up with me, and wiped me out.  I just couldn’t seem to get enough sleep, and it was kind of frustrating, because I still had so much to do, and I wanted to feel energized leading up to the wedding!

I was scheduled to work that week until Wednesday midday, but Tuesday night I just couldn’t fathom the idea of getting out of bed early the next morning.  I emailed my coworkers and let them know I wouldn’t be in, and then slept in a bit.  In the early afternoon, I had a massage, which was delightful, and then an eyebrow wax, and at the same time The Accountant had his first real haircut in like 18 years (his dad cuts his hair but I insisted he have a real haircut before the wedding).  After that I had an appointment to donate blood, which The Accountant and I started doing last October, and now with my dad’s illness has taken on extra meaning and is doubly important.

Thursday was when the activity really started.  In the morning I had a manicure and pedicure, and The Accountant had a manicure as well (forced to by me, so we could have a nice photo taken of our rings, only we never ended up doing that).  Then we went to pick up his and my dad’s tuxes at the suit store.  From there we picked up groceries for the after-wedding BBQ, and when we got home I was SO tired I didn’t think I could stay awake.  Which was a problem, because my bachelorette party was that night!  I laid in the recliner for a while, feeling absolutely dead tired, and then decided that since my parents’ house was close to the bachelorette party location, I would go there for a few hours, and try to perk up.

It worked, and by the time I had to leave my parents’ to go to the party, I had caught a second wind and was full of energy for the night ahead!

I’m still trying to get a hold of some electronic versions of photos from that night, and I’ll share them as soon as I get them (or scan the printed ones I was given in a pretty pink album), but I just have to say, it was one of the nicest evenings of my life.  It was exactly what I would have hoped for for a bachelorette party, if I had hoped for one at all, which I hadn’t, which made it all the more special.  The night started off with drinks poured, and then there was a pinata!  I have only ever seen one other pinata in my life, I think, and it was at a friend’s 7th birthday party.  My friend Catherine made it, and I think it was the most solid pinata ever constructed.  It took several rounds of whacking it before it finally busted open and rained candy down on the lawn.  After that we played a funny Mad Libs game and a “pin the kiss on the hunk” game, and then my favourite part – a photo booth!  My friend Meredith had created a little photo booth area in the front hall of her house with pretty coloured curtains.  Catherine brought a TON of hats and props, and we had a great time trying on different things and taking photos.  It created some really great memories.  After that I think we just sat around talking and eating the delicious food Meredith had made, until around midnight when we called it a night.  Most of the girls had to work the next day, and heaven knew I was tired out already!  I drove home thinking about how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends, who respected my “nothing crazy please!” request and created a really lovely evening for me.

That brings us up to Friday, the day before the wedding – the busiest day yet!  That’s coming next!

I got married, and forgot I had a blog.

Except, not.

Except, life has just been pretty wild the last few weeks, and in addition to recovering from the wedding, which exhausted me more than I thought it would, I’ve been dealing with some work stuff, some family stuff, and some me stuff.  All at once.  It was fun!

As of today, the work stuff seems to be coming back under control, and I think I have a handle on the me stuff.  The family stuff, well, that’s bound to be a little unusual these days, and things are bound not to go as planned, and we’re bound not to get along all of the time, and I’m working on accepting that.  It’s stressful for everyone, and I’m also working on remembering that everyone handles things differently.  It’s a learning experience for sure.

I’m working on a series of wedding recap posts, to tell you a little bit about the days leading up to the wedding, the wedding itself, and the “recovery” period afterward.  I’ll be back tomorrow with the first one!